Most people want to hide from a painful past of sexual and physical abuse.
Associate professor Bonnie MacLachlan delves into the violent past of a former student who was abused by a family member in Seda’s Story: A memoir. A book launch was held on Monday, March 30.
Instead, a former University of Western Ontario student wanted to help others by sharing her story.
A book launch was held this week for Seda’s Story: A memoir, edited by associate professor of classical studies, Bonnie MacLachlan. The book is a collection of writings by a young Persian Canadian woman called Seda (not her real name) who MacLachlan came to as her student.
When MacLachlan met Seda, she could tell she “was somewhat fragile.”
When she started missing a few classes for short periods of hospitalization, MacLachlan knew something deeper was going on. Over time, Seda came to reveal some of the darker secrets of her past – she had been abused sexually and physically by her father from childhood through her teen years.
“Knowing I couldn’t be her counselor, I was a sympathetic ear and eventually I found out what lay behind it,” says MacLachlan.
Although the abuse didn’t continue into her adult life, Seda carried the emotional scars. At the age of 29, she took her own life. After her death in March 2004, Seda’s mother turned to MacLachlan to fulfill a promise to her daughter to publish her writings.
MacLachlan had established ties with Seda and her family when she was a student and later as a friend.
“It’s one of those things you can’t say no to,” say MacLachlan.
The book includes poetry and prose reflections on the life she constructed in the shadow of abuse. The first section, titled Letters to Sharzhad, is written in the voice of a child and describes graphic accounts of the physical violation she suffered.
Weaving together accounts of Seda’s sexual and physical abuse was “gut-wrenching” for MacLachlan, particularly because she had become Seda’s confidant and friend over the years.
“It was tough,” she says, adding the letters provided Seda with an outlet not available in real life.
“You get the sense this was a release and she always was a person concerned for the pain of others and a reason she wanted them published was to help others.”
Reading through Seda’s private thoughts gave MacLachlan insight into her experiences and helped explain some of her behaviours.
“It helped me understand certain phenomenon, especially since I don’t work in the field,” she says.
As a way to distance herself from the abuse, Seda created a separate identity, one who had not been abused. “When I read her writing I could see that. She describes trying to get out of the experience and float above it and be someone who wasn’t being brutalized that way.”
Although the book reopened many emotional wounds for her family, Seda’s mother found comfort in honouring her daughter’s life and publishing a book that might help others.
“It is, now, very hard for them to see this as an artifact in front of them and I admire their courage for doing that,” says MacLachlan. “Seda would want to prevent others from some of the pain and ultimately the kind of death that she chose.”
The book also includes a self-help bibliography to provide those in similar circumstances with resources to seek help and support. The book is available through Sumach Press at www.sumachpress.com.